


Do Not Try This at Home

by leurauxe



Series: Watch Out for the Popos [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A side fic based off my Arrest me Officer work, Donuts, Gen, Humor, Lots of donuts, Not gonna lie it is alittle gross, and officer daichi who is the unfortunate victim, starring bokuto and kuroo as the terrible two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 04:11:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6037555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leurauxe/pseuds/leurauxe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The infamous donut incident.</p><p>It's something they don't talk about, a traumatic situation for all of the officers. It involved ten boxes of donuts, poorly-made decisions and lots of regret.</p><p> </p><p>Spin off series of Arrest me Officer which focuses on the adventures of the two inept officers, K-Cat and B-Dawgs!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do Not Try This at Home

I had alot of fun writing this one and did my best to keep it short and simple  
Hope you guys enjoy (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)

and Thank you anon for this lovely message!

* * *

   
  
  
Kuroo was on Youtube when he happened to stumble upon a video with an unusual title. **  
**  
  
[Burger Challenge]  
  
  
Curious, he decided to click the link and twenty three minutes later he stared dumbfounded as the man on the screen finished off his last bite of the eighteen burgers and lifted his plate to show the viewer.  
  
“Well, that was kinda pointless.” He murmured to himself, as he scrolled down to view the related videos. There were several other remakes of this video, however to his surprise he found more challenges with didn’t involve burgers. He watched a video called the ‘Baby food Challenge’ which then led to the ‘Chicken Nugget Challenge’, then 'Cake Challenge', and after spending three hours watching these bizarre videos, he’d come to be utterly fascinated.  
  
‘Food Challenges’ they called them. It essentially involved one eating copious amounts of food within a span of time - people of all ages and groups filmed themselves gorging on the insane masses of food as quickly, and most efficiently as possible. Kuroo was intrigued by these so-called eating trials and wondered who made these up. When searching on google with no luck, he thought ‘ _perhaps you make them up as you go_ ’. Like a Guinness World Record, right? You need to establish and set an achievement level so ridiculously high that those who try it then call it a ‘challenge.’  
  
And whose to say that he can’t make a food challenge himself?  
  
Thrilled by his ever-so brilliant idea, he decided to bring his partner in crime in to the equation. Of course, Bokuto was ecstatic at the thought of eating and immediately jumped on the bandwagon.  
  
Which brought forth the main question: What food do they pick?  
  
This one’s a tricky one. There are already so many challenges out there, it seems almost impossible to think of something someone hasn’t already gone and attempted.  
  
“How about donuts? I can eat like, a million of those.” Bokuto suggested. “I ate three the other day and I was still craving for more. It’ll be a piece of cake.”  
  
Kuroo hummed, rubbing his chin in thought. “Yeah, I suppose I could do donuts too. They taste good so it’s not like we’re going to get sick of them. Alright. Donuts it is.”  
He grinned, hand outstretched to fist bump the other. “Dude, we’re totally going to ace this. We’ll take the challenge to a whole new level.”  
  
Bokuto’s eyes lit up, shining with excitement. He returned the bump. “Hell yeah, we’re got this! Bring on the donuts!  
  
The next day, Kuroo went out and bought ten boxes of donuts from a local store.  
  
“It’s for a party,” he explained to the bewildered cashier. _‘Party for champions, of course.’_  
  
He paid for the donuts and juggled the stack of boxes in to his car then drove for the station.  
  
Bokuto was already waiting for him, bouncing around in his seat. He let out a squeal at the sight of the white boxes. “Oh man, I am so _pumped_ for this! I even skipped breakfast for this so I’m ready to chow down! Oh, and Daichi’s gone to the back to photocopy some files so he’ll probably be out for awhile.”  
  
“Even better.” Kuroo split the boxes in half, pushing five to Bokuto and keeping the other five for himself. “We’ve got six donuts in each box and five boxes altogether. So, thirty donuts. We need to eat thirty. I’ve just stuck to the standard glazed donuts since we want to make this fair, okay?”  
  
Bokuto nodded eagerly, already picking at the icing which had stuck on the side. “Okay, yes, okay. God, I want to start already! Can we start now?”  
  
“Hold on a sec, I need to set up the camera. I’m going to record this so we can upload it on Youtube after, okay?” Kuroo balanced the camera on top of a stack of old files, making sure the angle was set on both of them. “Okay, good. I’m going to click record and when I do, you’ll introduce yourself and I’ll follow, then I’ll give a brief explanation of our challenge,  _then_ we start eating, okay?”  
  
Bokuto sent him a brief salute. “Gotcha. I’m ready when you are.”  
  
“Great.” Kuroo flashed a grin. “Let’s shape history.”  
  
Thirty donuts didn’t sound like much, but together they’d be polishing off sixty. There was no possible way anyone else could possibly eat more donuts than they could – It’s like their favourite food too.  
  
However, as Kuroo ventured further in to the challenge, he had come to realise that ten boxes of donuts was actually not as easy as they had initially suspected.

 

   
  
  
“K-Cat, I never thought I’d say this but I don’t think I could eat another donut.”  
  
Kuroo blinked in surprise. He felt somewhat queasy, but was still going strong sofar and he was two boxes in. He flipped open the next box, reaching in for his thirteenth donut. “You can’t stop now, you’re already halfway. You totally got this.  
  
“I don’t feel too good right now.”  
  
“Yes, but imagine how great you’ll feel _after_ you complete the challenge.” Kuroo pointed out. He wiped some excess icing from the side of his mouth. “This is going on Youtube. It’s going to get at least a million views, dude. You’re going to be famous.”  
  
Bokuto forced an uncertain grin. “Well, I’ve always wanted to be famous. Okay.. You’re right, you’re right. Consider that my short interval. Here I go.. Seventeenth donut.” **  
**  
  
[Fifteen minutes later]  
  
  
Okay, he was definitely feeling the strain now. Kuroo inhaled deeply, then exhaled. He peered in his box. He’d eaten four in this one, so that was now a total of twenty-two. Eurgh, just the thought of another donut was making him ill. He shook his head. No, he’s already so close.  
  
The red flashing in the corner of his eye reminded him the camera was still running and he grinned over at it, flashing a thumbs up.  
  
“Only another eight to go,” he said aloud. God, he was _struggling_ though. He glanced over to his left to find Bokuto hunched over, his cheek pressed against the desk as he breathed heavily.  
  
“Dude, you alright?” Kuroo rubbed his friend’s back. “C’mon, we’re almost there.”  
  
“No, god- I can’t.” Bokuto was shaking his head. He clamped a hand over his mouth. “Dude, I can’t anymore. I really can’t.”  
  
Kuroo wanted to tease his friend but he wasn’t exactly in top shape either. Just thinking about all the sugar made his stomach churn and he forced down a groan. “H-how many.. did you eat?”  
  
“I’ve got..” Bokuto peered in the box, then slammed it shut. He gagged soundly, eyes scrunched shut.  
  
Kuroo watched as Bokuto shook his head, inhaling and exhaling deeply.  
  
“I got.. three.. Just three left..”  
  
Kuroo’s eyes widened. “What? _Three?_ You telling me you already ate _twenty-seven_ donuts? Dude you’re almost there!”  
  
“No, I can’t! I seriously can’t take anymore donuts.”  
  
“It’s only three! B-Dawgs, you are just three donuts away from setting a record! Do you realise what this means? Others are going to watch your video and do their own donut challenge in commemoration of you.” Kuroo paused. He tilted his head to the right and belched loudly. “Dude, I can’t do this. I can’t make it. But _you_ can. I know you can.”  
  
Bokuto nodded, then grimaced, holding on to his rounded belly. “I get what you’re saying, but I _can’t_. I don’t think I physically can.”  
  
“You can. You need to believe in yourself. Have you ever seen those videos where in moments of dire situation people exceed beyond the normal and do seemingly impossible things like lift up trucks and stuff? Look up Hysterical strength on Google. I’m telling you, it’s possible.”  
  
“People go.. beyond what’s normal..?” Bokuto paused in contemplation. His golden eyes peered up again. “You mean, like Superman?”  
  
“Yes! Bingo! _Exactly_ like Superman. You need to be like Superman.”  
  
“Yeah.. Superman… Okay..” Bokuto burped with his mouth closed then groaned. “Just.. three donuts.. Just three..”  
  
“Yes! That’s my boy!” Kuroo reopened the box for him and pushed it closer. “Do it, B-Dawgs. Show everyone how it’s done.”  
  
“Okay, okay, here I go..” Bokuto exhaled deeply, eyes closed. “I’m just going to shove them all in my mouth at once and just chew then swallow without thinking.”  
  
“I like that, good thinking.”  
  
“Be like Superman.”  
  
“Be like Superman!”  
  
“I am.. Superman.”  
  
“You are Superman! Bokuto, you’re Superman!” Kuroo slammed his hand on the table. “Does Superman take no for an answer? No!” He paused. “Well, actually, only no for that question. But otherwise, he says YES!”  
  
“Okay! I am Superman!” Bokuto was building up a frenzy, most likely the help of a sugar-rush. He let out a loud roar, icing smeared all over his lips as he flailed his arms like some madman. “I can _DO THIS_!”  
  
He reached in and grabbed the three remaining donuts, screeching as he mashed them in to a dense ball of messy dough and icing.  
  
_“Go, B-Dawgs, go_!” Kuroo screamed. He ran forward, grabbing hold of the camera to zoom in on his friend’s face. “Do it! Finish them!”  
  
Bokuto didn’t even hesitate, shoving the mush in his mouth and chewed furiously with his eyes scrunched shut.  
  
“Yes! Yesss!” Kuroo howled, squatting beside his friend to get the best angle.  
  
“That’s my homie! That’s my best man! That’s right, viewers! You’ve just witnessed a beautiful moment here with us today. Today marks the day B-Dawgs officially finished the thirty donut cha-“ **  
**  
  
  
  
_**Bbbbbbllllleeeeeurrrrrrrggggghhhh**_  
  
  
“Oh, shi-“ Kuroo leapt back, almost dropping his camera as Bokuto regurgitated the three donuts… as well as the other twenty seven.  
  
It was something from a horror movie. Never in Kuroo’s life had he ever seen something like this.  
It was like Bokuto’s mouth was the Pandoras’ Box and he was unleashing hell itself.  
  
The foul, chunky liquid gushed from Bokuto’s mouth like a freakin’ waterfall and at full strength too. Bokuto flailed his arm out frantically to the side, as though to reach for Kuroo. His other elbow pressed down on the table, unfortunately in his pool of.. mess. It skidded across and he stumbled, falling forward. The table clattered to its side, sending a upright spray of upchuck to Kuroo’s utmost horror.  
  
And in all that time, Bokuto didn’t even look close to stopping. He heaved, spraying a generous area of the office carpet with his half-digested donuts.  
  
Kuroo floundered back, eyes wide in shock. “Oh my god, oh god, oh god! Is this happening? _Is this actually happening?_ Oh my g- Bokuto, stop! You’re getting it everywh- oh my god!” He turned around, facing the wall as he gagged. Oh god, the _**SOUNDS**. _  
  
“Someone save me!” Bokuto managed in a rough screech before he lurched and continued to projectile all over another clean patch of the office carpet.  
  
“No- stop, oh god! Oh my god!” Kuroo screamed, mind still not quite comprehending the situation before him. “Oh god, Daichi! Daichi, come here! _Hurry!_ ”  
  
There was a few lagged seconds before he heard the sound of thundering footsteps.  
  
Daichi slammed the door open, eyes wide. “What? What is- _oh my god_!” He shouted in shock horror and disgust at the sight of Bokuto kneeled on the floor, chugging his entire guts up. “What the f- what the hell is going on?!”  
  
“Help him, you need to help him!” Kuroo shrieked, jumping up and down.  
  
“I need to what?!” Daichi gagged, covering his nose and mouth. “Oh my god, what the hell happened?! I was only gone for twenty minutes!”  
  
“We need to get him outside! He’s uncontrollabl-“ Kuroo felt the sudden tightness in his throat and he knew.  
  
He knew what horrors were about to come.  
  
Kuroo made a mad dash to the front door – a feeble attempt. He felt bile rise up his throat and before he could speak, he was gushing like a water fountain.  
  
“Oh my god! _Kuroo_!” Daichi shrieked in the back, but it was too late.  
  
It sprayed everywhere, from the carpet to front reception desk, the force so strong it even splattered on a few unfortunate files.  
Kuroo stumbled on to his knees, shoulders hunched up to his ears as his entire organ system tried to escape out of his mouth.  
  
The wet sloshing sounds of his upheaved donuts splattering against the ground filled his ears, along with the high-pitched scream from Daichi who truly believed that the two were being possessed by demons.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It really was no surprise why Iwaizumi had banned donuts from the office the next day.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you guys for reading and hope you enjoyed!  
> Sorry it's taking so long to upload the next chapter of AMO but it will be coming out soon, promise!  
> ᕙ( •̀ ︿•́ )ᕗ
> 
> tumblr: http://leurauxe.tumblr.com


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